Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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