I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize