"it" just moved
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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