Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize