What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
