I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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