i jhust puked up my retainher.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
