I hate your face
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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