You just made me feel so damn special
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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