My nipple is on Facebook.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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