She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
