just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
ok first of all what the fuck
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