Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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