The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
