oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
