i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
