I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
