My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
