I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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