if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
