Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Less talking, more tequila
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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