Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Where is the hickey?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
