Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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