Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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