So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently you make a good broom.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
