Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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