Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
