thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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