You're my little dorito
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
