you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
