In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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