my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
