so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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