my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
