I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Randomize
