Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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