You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize