U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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