Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
