East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize