can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
