I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize