just come out here and I will go home with you...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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