oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
