Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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