bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
