She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
