She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
