I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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