dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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