so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
