Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
