dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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