Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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