It's like God shit irony all over that family
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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