Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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