omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
