If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
