Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
