He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize