Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
