Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
