He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
