I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Rumble strips road head = magical
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
