I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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