You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize