I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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